What is it about the story of the child who invites his classmates to a birthday party, one where no one shows up, that makes for a great break your heart movie, book, or sad story? What if just one friend showed up, or the three that are in the A/V club? Do numbers matter when it comes to friendships in our circles? The New York post recently explained that the correct number of friends needed for success in total is 150. This was based on an anthropologist’s study by the name of Dunbar. The piece went on to say that the total number of the success equation, one person to 150 friends, includes family members and those that aren’t considered close friends but maybe acquaintances. But he got me to thinking about what I’m comfortable with and whether or not the person who did the study talked to anyone like me. I am comfortable in various environments when there’s something that needs to be accomplished. However when it comes to who I trust and consider a friend, well let’s take that back to the schoolyard example.

Growing up a friend is someone who I would have considered giving a friendship bracelet to, or perhaps allowing that person to play with my ninja turtle, a serious thing in those days because I didn’t have many. To be honest, the product was so popular that if I lost the one I had I wasn’t sure I’d find another. Friendship meant “hey why don’t you come over to my house on Friday to spend the night”, a plan of what type of food and entertainment we’d enjoy. Maybe even the reciprocity, my taking a turn enjoying a sleepover at my friends house. As I grew older friendships turned to who I was leaning against the wall with at lunchtime when I decided to go outside to eat instead of sitting at one of the various tables that I had access to. And while sitting next to that person not wishing to have been left alone or far enough away from this person to feel more comfortable eating. Later my friend might be someone to whom I shared a personal experience and then asked for an honest opinion, all the time somewhat scarily knowing that whatever they said I’d consider, because I trusted them, they were my friend.

If I had 150 friends I’m not sure I’d be a good enough friend to treat each of them equally, or even have enough time to communicate with them. To be honest, the number 150 seems high no matter how we use it. Here is an example, $150, 150 push-ups, 150 Reese‘s peanut butter cups. I just consider the number to be high; 150 ants, 150 days, 150 slices of cheese.

Regardless of who you consider a friend, and how you feel about the 150 count, I do think it is important to have someone you trust. I mentioned this in my previous blog Asking is Scarier than We Think, someone who makes it a little bit easier to ask for help. Remember that child I mentioned at the beginning, the one with no one at his birthday party? I wonder if sadness might turn to something else when instead of the 30 classmates invited, 120 more show up, that’s 150 slices of cake. That’s a lot of cake.